......EVEN IN MY DARKEST HOUR

The incident

It happened so fast. I saw five missed calls on my phone.

I was on my way back from my friends. she lost her dad that morning and i went to try to console her,as best as a human can.

Why is my sis calling me so many times,i try calling her back and my phone rings almost immediately.

She sounded frantic,uneasy like her heart was racing. then i heard the cry at the background, it was my mum's voice.

what is the problem i asked. i have never seen or heard my mum cry before.

Help! Help! what should we do?

I trained as a nurse but barely practiced for more than one year.

Give him this and that,take him to the nurse in the house nearby i screamed. there was little i could do from a distance over the phone.

He was rushed to the hospital but gave up a few minutes after.

He died,right there in the arms of his soulmate and the mother of his children.

My father who i had known all my life left this world with looking back or saying goodbye.

The Recovery

Day,Night i cried. I wept. I blamed myself. My heart sank in guilt. I could have done something,i could have stopped it.

Different scenarios went through my head. In each one i saved my dad's life. but he was already gone,to rest and be with God where there is no pain and hassle.

I avoided friends,phone calls, every sorry i heard just made the emotions unbearable.

How long could i continue like that.

The visitors were innumerable,tears clouded my eyes at every knock on the door.

We had to be strong,yes strong for my mum.

She looked so fragile like a shadow of herself and lost weight faster than someone on a diet.

Each time i looked at her my heart skipped a beat.

God please keep her for us.

With each day that passed,i felt better but occasionally still had tears cloud my eyes.

When it was time to bury my dad,i was scared.

I am Igbo and the last time i went to my village was over 15 years ago.

We have heard stories and we dreaded the place(my parents visited the village occasionally)

then i remembered what happened the night my dad died.

That night after i got the call that confirmed his death,i started singing and praising God. With the tears in my eyes i sang. Though i had lost my voice from crying,i still sang. i dozed off whilst singing that night.

how could i have done that?

Where did that strength come form?

Who comforted me in the midst of his praises?

Who reassured me that he would never leave or forsake me in the midst of such pain,anger?

About two weeks into his death,i couldn't pray.

I only mustered enough faith to say amen when someone else prayed but one thing that i did was sing .

I bless God for Don Moen, his song; I will sing which i put on replay comforted me like none other.

Here is a verse from the

Lord you seem so far away

a million miles or more it feels today

though i haven't lost my faith

i must confess right now

that its hard for me to pray

For i don't know what to say

i don't know where to start

but as you give the grace

with all thats in my heart

I will sing

I will praise

Even in my darkest hour

Through the sorrow and the pain.....

For me,in my life so far.; that has been my darkest hour.

So i knew we had nothing to fear.

We could go with that confidence that he has never failed us yet;and he will not start now.

After a while i could now pray and pray i did.

Throughout our stay at the village and during the burial,God was faithful.

He showed himself strong.

He surprised us.

Ah! He truly works in mysterious ways.

Thank God its all over.

I miss my dad i must say.

He was a great man.

His humility could annoy you.

And he was a hardworking man.

But life goes on;he would want us to move on.

We are back in town and my faith in God is stronger than ever.

This time has brought my family closer than ever.

I know God will keep my mum in good health and grant her long life to reap the fruit of her labour.

She will hold her children's children in her hands.

I want to say thank you to every one who prayed for us,comforted us,and supported us throughout this time.

The Lord God will bless you,keep you,prosper you and never leave you comfortless.Amen

God Bless you.

Oma